Study Math!

Little Zachary was doing very bad in math. His parents had tried everything. Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first Day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down To dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room
without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as
before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to
understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His mom looked at it and to her great
surprise, Little Zachary got an “A” in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?” Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.
“Well, then,” she replied, was it the books, the discipline, the
structure, the uniforms? “WHAT WAS IT?” Little Zachary looked at her and said, “Well, on The first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the
plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”

Jokes

A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, “What are NITRATES?
The student replied shyly, “Ma’am, sa motel po.
NITRATES are higher than day rates!”

Usapan ng dalawang mayabang…
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala
niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

WHO’S GUILTY?
Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
suddenly shouts, “Quick, my husband is back!”
Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, “Damn! I am the husband!”

Josh: Kumusta ang assignment?
Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.
Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano ‘yan? Baka isipin
nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! ‘Yan din ang pangarap niya!
Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru’n?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!
Lito: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?
Joseph: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam ‘yun?!
Ang H2O ay water! At
ang CO2… cold water.
Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan sa langit.
Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay babalik upang
sabihin kung may basketbol sa langit.
Naunang namatay si Dado.
Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si Rodel na parang kay Dado.
“Ikaw ba ‘yan, Dado?” usisa ni Rodel.
“Oo naman!” tugon ni Dado.
“Parang hindi totoo!” bulalas ni Rodel.”O,ano, meron bang basketbol sa langit?”
Sagot ni Dado, “May maganda at masama akong
balita sa ‘yo. Ang maganda, may basketbol doon. Ang masama…
kasali ka sa makakalaban namin bukas!” (ngek!)

Usapan ng dalawang bata…
Junjun: Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo, ‘yang
Pacific Ocean , siyaang humukay nun!
Pedrito: Wala ‘yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo ‘ yungDead Sea ?
Junjun: Oo…
Pedrito: Siya ang pumatay nun!

Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Stewardess: Yes or No.

Misis: Hindi ko na kaya ‘to! Araw-araw nalang tayong nag-aaway
Mabuti pa, umalis na ako sa bahay na ‘to!
Mister: Ako rin, sawang-sawa na! Away rito,away roon! Mabuti pa
siguro, sumama na ako sa ‘yo!

Misis: Delayed ako nang one month pero huwag mo munang
ipagsabi.Nahihiya ako…
Mister: Okey.
Kinabukasan, dumating ang taga-Meralco. ..
Taga-Meralco: Misis, delayed po kayo ng onemonth.
Misis: Ha? Bakit mo alam?
Taga-Meralco: Nasa record po.
Mister: Bakit Naka-record diyan na delayed ang misis ko?
Taga-Meralco: Kung gusto ninyong mawala sarecord, magbayad kayo!
Mister: Eh kung ayokong magbayad?
Taga-Meralco: Puputulan kayo!
Mister: Eh anong gagamitin ni misis?
Tag-Meralco: Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila.

Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa…
ADVANTAGE: ‘Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
DISADVANTAGE: ‘Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan parin!

What is the difference between a girlfriend,a call girl and a wife?
Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.
Sa isang classroom…
Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks.
Titser: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your card.

Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay
kaming kumain. Ngayong
mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!

Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma’am kung ano
raw ang propesyon mo.
Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
Itay: ‘Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!

Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya
ang kanyang misis na may
katalik na lalaki sakama…
Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!
Mister: Sino ‘yang katabi mo?
Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANGUSAPAN!

Rodrigo: Bakit bad trip ka?
Harry: Nagtampo sa ‘kin ang utol ko.
Rodrigo: Bakit naman?
Harry: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday niya.
Rodrigo: ‘Yun lang? Anong masama ru’n?
Harry: Ang masama ru’n… twins kami! Twins!